The Third Option offers tools to strengthen couples’ relationships
By Tami S. Scott
Editor
Relationships aren’t always smooth sailing, especially in marriage. Couples must navigate difficult times and face challenges that sometimes feel so daunting they either consider divorce or accept an unhealthy partnership as their only choices.
But those don’t have to be their only two options.
Stephanie Stewart
The Third Option, an educational support group designed to improve marriages, is 30 years strong and recognized nationally and internationally — yet its roots were established right here in Central New York. The program offers help, hope, and ways to obtain growth for stronger, more cohesive relationships. Attendees meet in-person or online once every two weeks, each week focusing on one of 14 topics with tools aimed to self-improve. In turn, the process builds better marriages.
Stephanie Stewart, of Family/Respect Life Ministry, has been the program coordinator for the Syracuse Diocese since 2018. When Pat Ennis, formerly of Clinton and now of Fayetteville, who created the initiative in 1988, approached Stewart to lead the group, she and her husband decided to go through it first. Stewart emphasized the program’s assets. “It’s good for any marriage,” she emphasized. “Yes, it was designed for marriages that were struggling, but any marriage, and really any relationship, can benefit from the tools that we talk about.”
Additionally, the peer ministry involves two local couples who act as mentors for the group. Having participated in The Third Option for more than 20 years, they believe in what the program teaches and share their experiences with attendees. As individuals grow and change over the years, Stewart remarked, the topics never become tired: “You hear something new almost every time because you’re in a different place, dealing with different challenges in life, so topics resonate with you differently.”
An Onondaga County couple who have been married for 13 years decided to try The Third Option nine years into their marriage.
“The previous year, we had worked to take control of our health by eating better and exercising more,” the couple, who wish to remain anonymous, said in a joint statement to The Catholic Sun. “After accomplishing that goal, we decided the next year was to take control of our marriage. We’d been having some communication struggles and felt that the program could help us in this area.”
The couple said that while some of the sessions are more relevant to their marriage than others, all have learning points and reminders as to how to better communicate and treat each other. Since attending the program, they’ve been able to defuse some arguments before they become too heated by using techniques discussed in the program. They also apologize more to one another.
“The topics discussed in The Third Option are geared toward helping you improve yourself, which in turn can help you improve your marriage. In self-reflection and the ability to adapt from an ‘extreme’ to a ‘third option,’ you may also find relationships outside of your marriage improve as well,” they said.
Worth noting, there is never any pressure to share your personal journey unless you feel comfortable doing so. “Knowing that there are other couples, both early in their marriages and in their golden years of marriage, that are having or have had the same conflicts as you, helps to understand that your marriage is not unique to arguments, misunderstandings, and hurts,” they added. “Rather, it helps you feel that you can overcome these struggles with respect, understanding, and love.”
The next Third Option meeting will be held from 6:30 to 8:30 p.m. on Sunday, Jan. 4 at St. Michael/St. Peter’s Parish Center, 4782 W. Seneca Turnpike in Syracuse. Participants have the option to meet in person or on Zoom. The topic will be “Speaking the Truth in Love in Marriage,” where couples learn seven speaking techniques to help them speak more honestly yet lovingly to each other. No registration is necessary.
For more information, call Stewart at 315-472-6754 ext. 5 or email her at sstewart@syrdio.org.
