Finding gratitude and grace through the holidays
By Eileen Jevis
Staff Writer
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18)
As the holidays approach, many in our diocesan family may be mourning the loss of a loved one. Whether the loss happened this year or in the past, our friends and relatives who are no longer here remain in our hearts and minds. No one experiences grief in the same way, and no loss will be the same for each person, said Nancy Light, who recently led a two-part series at Holy Family Church in Syracuse. The presentation, “A Hole in My Heart – Moving Through Grief,” included stories, reflection, prayer and suggestions to help individuals in their journey of mourning.
Light worked in healthcare for over 45 years and was a resident care coordinator at Francis House, retiring as executive director in 2020. She serves on boards and advisory committees for various health related fields and is the founding member of the Omega Home Network – a national group of end-of-life care homes.
“Grief can be isolating,” Light said. “It’s important to be with those you love and who love you.” Light encourages those who are grieving to be realistic about their own expectations as well as the expectations of others. “It’s important to focus on self-care. Self-care and self-compassion will give us what we need to continue the journey of mourning,”.
Deacon Dean Brainard is part of the team in the Family/Respect Life Office that is developing and delivering Seasons of Hope workshops. He said the program is being developed to respond to the profound need to accompany those who endure difficult life transitions. The ministry’s mission is to collaborate with vicariates and parishes in the diocese to support the broken-hearted who have endured loss in their lives, explained Brainard.
Holiday helpers
Brainard and Light offer tips and suggestions for those navigating through grief -— especially during the holidays.
• Planning and prioritizing – Determine what is most important to you and do just a few of those things.
• Pace yourself – Reset your expectations based on where you are in the grieving process.
• People vs. Privacy – Discern how much privacy you want versus time with family and friends.
• Perspective – Keep in perspective what the real significance of the holiday is for you. Stay focused on that importance as a source of strength and hope.
Other tips include establishing new rituals as a way to honor your loved ones. Create a photo album or memory book, make a donation in their honor, light a special candle in their memory or donate to a charity they supported.
Ellen Holst, a parishioner of Divine Mercy Parish in Central Square attended past Seasons of Hope sessions led by Dc. Brainard. She and facilitators at other parishes in the area offer joint sessions that focus on faith and the presence of God in the grieving and healing process. In addition to co-facilitating the grief support group, Healing Through Openness, Prayer and Encouragement (H.O.P.E.), Holst serves as funeral ministry coordinator, lector, Eucharistic minister and is also on other committees. “I first became involved in the bereavement ministry in 2018 followed by the death of my husband, my sister and my nephew all in a two-month period,” Holst said. “I am grateful for the support that helped me as I attempted to move forward without my loved ones. Without the support of the H.O.P.E. group, Fr. Christopher Celentano and Fr. Christopher Seibt, I’m not sure where my life would have led me.”
It begins with an open heart
Deacon John Addante serves St. James Church in Cazenovia and St. Patrick Church in Chittenango. He is also a hospice registered nurse for the terminally ill. Addante relies on the Holy Spirit to guide him in bringing comfort to others. “In my vocation and my profession, I find that there is a universal way to approach an individual and the family who are seeking help in their time of need,” he said. “It all begins with an open heart and being humble to the fact that it is an honor and a privilege to be invited into one’s home.” Addante said that as end-of-life approaches, it is a special time that includes moments of sadness, sorrow and uncertainty. “All of this is rooted in love — a love that is grounded in our faith, knowing in our heart of hearts that our sorrow and tears will turn into joy as we celebrate the Good News in our lives, knowing that God will hold us all one day in His loving arms as we live out the glory of His kingdom forever.
From the writer
As someone who lost their husband too soon, I found that in the presence of grief, there is room for gratitude. By remembering to honor and celebrate those who have died, we can, for a moment, hour or day, create a positive shift in our mindset. With gratitude, remember all that they gave to us and others. The first year especially, is extremely difficult and oftentimes, you will find your smiles mingled with tears as you recall a special trip, event or shared experience. However, knowing all that we have in our life, what matters to us, and the blessings we have received makes each day worthwhile.
So, during this holiday season, know that you are in the prayers of many. Reach out to those you love so they can nourish you and provide a healing presence. Consider going somewhere different or new, celebrating in a new way, and establishing new traditions. Celebrate them — for they are with you in spirit.
For more information on the bereavement ministry, contact Deacon Dean Brainard at the Family/Respect Life Office at [email protected] or 315-472-6754, ext. 4
Resources:
There are many resources available to guide you in your journey of grief and healing. These are a few recommended by Dc. Brainard and Light.
• “Grieving with Great Hope” https://watch.formed.org/grieving-with-great-hope
• “Seasons of Hope – Finding Comfort in Your Grief” – Ave Maria Press
• “Transitions – Making Sense of Life’s Changes” – William Bridges
• “Searching for and Maintaining Peace” – Father Jacques Phillips
• “Grief One Day at a Time: 365 Meditations to Help You Heal After Loss” – Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D.
• “An Angel is Born: A Story of Love, Loss and Hope” – Johanna Elisabeth Sather
• “Healing After Loss” – Martha Hickman
“Praying Our Goodbyes” – Joyce Rupp
