Updated diocesan marriage preparation framework is rolled out to parishes
By Elizabeth Landry
Staff writer
Bishop Douglas J. Lucia’s third pastoral letter, “In You All Find Their Home,” published on Ash Wednesday of this year, introduced the updated “Framework for Marriage Preparation & Accompaniment,” a document recently released by the diocesan Office of Family/Respect Life. Echoing the beliefs of Pope Francis, Bishop Lucia, in his pastoral letter, emphasized how Sacramental Preparation should be modeled after the specialized catechesis of the Order of Christian Initiation of Adults (OCIA).
“Through this pastoral letter, I must emphasize the importance of Sacramental Preparation for our young people and their families, and to ensure that steps are being taken to strengthen this crucial time of faith formation in our parishes,” Bishop writes, noting that the Sacrament of Marriage is included in this effort.
He then shares a quote from Pope Francis’ Address on the Inauguration of the Judicial Year of the Tribunal of the Roman Rota, from Jan. 21, 2017: “Today more than ever, this preparation is presented as a true and proper occasion for the evangelization of adults and, often, of the so-called distant ones. There are, indeed, numerous young people for whom the approach of the wedding is an opportunity to encounter once again the faith which has long been relegated to the margins of their lives … It can be, therefore, an advantageous time for renewing their encounter with the person of Jesus Christ, with the message of the Gospel and with the teaching of the Church.”
It is in this spirit of recognizing the Sacrament of Marriage as a true vocation that the updated Framework (which can be found here and includes a helpful “Marriage Preparation Checklist”) rolls out new guidelines for the facilitation of marriage across the diocese. Lisa Hall, director of the Office of Family/Respect Life, explained how the need for this updated Framework has been growing in recent years.
“We need to do a better job of helping our young people all the way up through our engaged couples and then walking with married couples after they’re married,” Hall said. “We’ve seen this consistent need [and] that there are serious gaps in accompaniment. As we’re walking with people in their lives in the church, we want to do more to help parishes fill that gap. That’s really what we’re looking to do.”
Two documents formed the basis for the new Framework, explained Kristin Dievendorf, the Family/Respect Life Office’s family life and natural family planning coordinator: “Catechumenal Pathways for Married Life,” from the Vatican, and “Called to the Joy of Love,” from the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops.
Teachings in these documents are aimed at “… really allowing couples to be rooted and grounded in their relationship with God, in their relationship with each other, and that they have a role to play, too, within their parish community, as a married couple, as a family, as they bring their children into the faith. So it’s kind of cyclical. The way that we walk with people, we need to be intentional about all those stages,” Dievendorf said.
Central to the application of the Framework is offering mentorship for both engaged couples who are seeking the Sacrament of Marriage as well as married couples as they continue on in married life together. Maria Klawiter, Southern Region program coordinator for the Family/Respect Life Office, has been mentoring engaged couples for several years. She spoke about the importance of providing engaged couples with the tools they need to have a successful, faith-filled marriage.
“Marriage takes three,” Klawiter said. “So many people have the idea that marriage is just the two of them. Because they’re coming to the church and asking to have their marriage blessed within the church, I think it’s important to really incorporate their faith — praying with them and teaching them the tools of how to pray together, because many of them have never done that before.”
The Family/Respect Life Office is inviting parishes to collaborate with them and offer trainings for mentors — either individuals or couples — who can walk with engaged and married couples in their faith communities. Several couples in the Syracuse area have already been trained. Mentorship then takes on a two-fold role: intentional accompaniment that invites “people into relationship with Christ,” helping them “to grow in mission and holiness, and it’s very directed and specific to the people you’re walking with … their specific circumstances,” as Hall explained, and a premarital assessment called Prepare/Enrich, from which trained facilitators can identify areas of strength and areas of growth for each unique couple.
Referencing the Prepare/Enrich assessments, Klawiter said, “When we get the evaluations back, many times [the couples] say, ‘We never talked about this. We never took the time. We never would have had this conversation had you not, you know, kind of driven us down that path.’ So the assessment … [gives] them the tools to use in their marriage toolbox going forward, you know, teaching them skills on how to really talk to each other, or bring up the difficult subjects, because it’s not always easy, you know. We’re all human.”
“Couples who experience Prepare/Enrich mentorship prior to getting married have a 31% lower divorce rate,” added Dievendorf. “There’s also a study they did that is incredible, that the couples express 80% higher satisfaction in their relationship and confidence in their ability to problem solve, have conflict resolution, and to be able to share honestly about differences of opinion and to be able to work through those things. And so their overall satisfaction coming through mentorship and confidence in being able to navigate problems of the future is incredible.”
These changes in how parishes approach the Sacrament of Marriage reflect a broader shift in the Church—from a Christendom model to a more mission-focused, apostolic approach, Hall said. She shared that behind the scenes, it’s been a team effort of many diocesan offices working with Bishop Lucia to identify sacramental needs across the board.
“We’re really excited about the opportunity to walk with couples in this way, and really help them know that they are loved, and that we are rooting for them and praying for them. And we want them to know how to do that for each other, too. … Christ is the answer on every level, and we need to do a better job of bringing Him to people and inviting people to open themselves to Him,” Hall said.
By forming Marriage Mentorship Ministry in parishes, it will be a team effort on the parish level, too, walking alongside couples and families every step of the way.
“There is a deep desire for connection and a deeper enrichment in [couples’] faith lives,” said Dievendorf of her experience working with couples in recent years. “God has given us, in our diocese and in every parish community, everything we need to do what He is calling us to today. … We just need to start moving and trusting and availing ourselves and training and working with each other, and when we’re doing it hand in hand with other people, it doesn’t fall entirely on one person’s shoulders or one small group of people’s shoulders.”
If you or someone you know is interested in learning more about Marriage Mentorship Ministry within your parish, or if you want to sign up for mentorship training, contact Kristin Dievendorf at (315) 472-6754 ext. 2 or kdievendorf@syrdio.org.
