By Kathryne Rakowski
Contributing writer
There is no one journey to motherhood and sometimes the road to becoming a mother is filled with twists and turns. For Kristin Dievendorf and her husband, Eric, they always knew they wanted a child. But after four years of infertility and exhausting all of the health options that were available to them while still in line with their Catholic faith, they knew that God was calling them to something else: the gift of adoption.
“We actually felt a sense of relief and peace,” Dievendorf said, sharing that she and her husband had always been open to the possibility of adoption, even before they experienced infertility. “Now we knew with certainty that this was what we were being called to.”
Kristin and Eric eventually adopted a son, Michael, who is now 5 years old. Although a challenging road, as adoption always is, it is one that has filled their lives with true joy and fulfillment. “Whether you are blessed with a biological child or an adopted child, children are a gift, and it is a gift to be called to motherhood, however that child came into your family,” she said.
While raising her son, Dievendorf, a Program Coordinator for the Family/Respect Life Office for the Diocese of Syracuse, stays busy volunteering her time in programs like the Fruitful Hollow and Sisters of Hannah, both resources for women who struggle with infertility.
“They’re places where women can share and not be judged, feel validated, get support and pray,” she shared, knowing from firsthand experience that the road of infertility can leave you feeling empty and questioning God’s plan in your life. “It’s important to be able to connect with others and help others see that God is still present to them in this struggle.”
She also hopes to inspire and encourage other mothers hoping to adopt or those already on the journey, noting that adoption is a calling that, despite its challenges, is a reward for those who receive the gift.
“You are not less of a mom because you did not create that child. It means that your work is all the more important,” Dievendorf said, referring to the trauma that exists when children are not able to remain with their birth mothers. Adoptive parents, stepparents and foster parents, to name a few, are often left with the task of helping children overcome the trauma.
But Dievendorf says beauty lies within those difficult moments. “We all need human love and all of that flows from God. We are able to love because that love came from God first. And God gives us the permission to love a child how we feel called,” she said. “If you need that permission, pray to the Blessed Mother. She’s the adopted mother to all of us.”
Believing that we’re all adopted children by God the Father and Mary, Dievendorf encourages adoptive mothers to use the love that the Blessed Mother showed to St. John after the crucifixion of Jesus as an example of the love that can be imitated.
Around Mother’s Day, Dievendorf does think of her son’s birth mother, and it does leave her with bittersweet feelings.
“I will never know how difficult it was for her to go through what she went through, but I have such gratitude for her sacrifice,” she said, sharing how Michael’s mother will always have a special place in her heart. “Not just because she gave us her son,” Dievendorf explained. “But because she matters. And because she is loved by God.”
Although the journey of adoption has its challenges and is filled with unknowns, Dievendorf shared that God is truly present in the process.
“Don’t be afraid,” she said. “God has such a beautiful way of weaving healing and hope amid tragedy and brokenness.”
For more information on dealing with infertility or if you are considering adoption, you can contact Kristin Dievendorf directly at the Family/Respect Life Office at [email protected] or 315.472.6754, ext. 2.
