A pilgrim of hope

Hope for Bereaved founder leans on faith to heal self, others

For centuries, the Catholic Church has celebrated jubilee years to remind us of the joy and peace that comes through reconciliation with God and calls us to show love and mercy to those around us. Pope Francis proclaimed “Pilgrims of Hope” as the theme for the 2025 Jubilee Year. Charity is one of the principal characteristics that focuses on how we, as Catholics, can actively live our faith. The Vatican Jubilee website states that, “No one can think that pilgrimage and the celebration of the indulgence of the Jubilee can be reduced to a form of magical ritual, without knowing that it is a life of charity that gives them ultimate meaning.”

The theme of this year’s Jubilee is an undeniable example of Therese Schoeneck’s life. Her faith and charitable spirit have helped heal her heart and that of thousands of others. Schoeneck worked in the Family Life Education Office at the Diocese from 1972-1992 and has spent decades counseling, supporting and teaching others how to strengthen their connection with the Church, Christ and each other.

Family has always been the center of Therese’s life. Daughter Margie Nye said that her parents’ faith was their guiding light. “My parents exemplified loving, giving Christian people who raised us to live our faith — not just through the sacraments but in what we do every day,” said Nye. With five children of their own, the Schoenecks never hesitated to open their home to those in need. The Schoenecks took in a neighbor’s child because the mom of six was struggling. Nye’s high school friend also came to live with them, and soon after, her sister was welcomed as well. “My mother felt there was always room for one more,” Nye said.

In 1977, the Schoenecks’ 21-year-old daughter Mary was killed in a car accident. While dealing with her own grief, she tried to help her husband and children navigate their own. “It’s hard to find support when there is a death in the family and everyone is grieving,” explained Nye. “Mom found it with Father Joe Phillips and her friends in the Family Life Office.”

“My friends and co-workers were like family,” Therese said. “I could talk to them about things that I couldn’t talk to my family about. My co-worker Peggy Dupee would take one look at me and know I was having a bad day. I could call her late at night for support and for someone to lean on.

“I had to find something positive that came from Mary’s death,” added Therese. “With the support of Father Joe and Sister Marguerite Tierney, we held a ‘Coping With the Holidays’ meeting at the Diocese. We transported people to and from the meeting and those who attended asked that we meet again the following month. That was how Hope for Bereaved was born.”

What began as a ministry in the Diocese, led by Therese and another grieving parent Donna Kalb, became an independent organization that offers specialized support to widows, widowers, bereaved parents who have lost children from infancy to adulthood, and those who have lost a loved one through suicide or a drug overdose. The organization also serves children and teens who have experienced the death of a parent, sibling or friend.

What did Schoeneck learn in the process? “I learned to listen and be there for others,” she replied. “I urge people to find someone who will listen so you can talk about your feelings. All grief is not the same and there is no timeline,” she said. “You can’t go over it, under it or around it. You have to go through it.

“Grief is like a roller coaster,” she added. “When you’re feeling like you have a handle on it, all of a sudden, the next wave hits. Those lulls give you the energy to deal with the next wave of grief.” Schoeneck said it’s important to stay busy and find a purpose.

It was the presence of Father Charlie Major, Father Vince Walsh and Father Tom McLaughlin that helped the family begin to heal. “They didn’t just show up after Mary died, they were part of our lives,” said Nye.

Schoeneck has been the recipient of many awards and accolades for her years of service and as founder of Hope for Bereaved. She has connected with congressmen, senators, clergy, business leaders and community members to promote the ministry and secure grants, funding and donations. “My father called her a bulldog,” said Nye. “There was nothing that stood in her way. While no one can fill her shoes, my mom left a blueprint for those who followed; a guide for supporting the bereaved and cherishing the many volunteers who continue to help fulfill her mission.”

Therese said it was not the awards and attention that mattered; it was the desire to help others who have experienced tragedy that motivated her to work tirelessly for decades. “In helping others, I found hope and a path in my own journey of grief,” she said.

These days, the organization has eight staff members, 24 peer counselors and hundreds of volunteers that guide and support grieving individuals and families throughout the United States and around the world.

Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. 2 Corinthians 9:7-8

“My mom was raised by people who showered her with unconditional love and who modeled the importance of volunteerism. They passed those values down to us and to their grandchildren — to practice your faith by giving to others,” said Nye. “My mom’s focus was always on family first.”

A list of meeting locations and times is listed on the Hope for Bereaved website. A book of articles written by Therese with contributions from other bereaved people offers insights about grief and suggestions on ways of helping the bereaved. It can be purchased on the website: https://hopeforbereaved.com/