Above: Mr. and Mrs. Stepien, parishioners at Holy Family Church, receive congratulations from Bishop Lucia for 50 years of marriage.
Humility, selflessness, forgiveness keys to happy marriage
By Eileen Jevis, Staff writer
“Let all that you do be done in love.” 1 Corinthians 16:14
There are lots of lessons that couples who have been married for decades can pass on to others.
Bob and Joan Paccone celebrate 72 years of marriage.
One such couple is Bob and Joan Paccone, parishioners of Our Lady of Sorrows in Vestal. They honored their 72 years of marriage during the Feb. 9 World Marriage Day at the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception. Bishop Douglas J. Lucia celebrated 80 couples present at the Mass with more than 250 congregants also in attendance to witness the marriages of their family and friends.
The Paccone’s daughter, Ellen Robb, said she learned positivity, forgiveness and the willingness to overlook little irritations to experience lasting happiness from her parents. “I learned to enjoy the satisfaction of living each day, count the blessings of family, friendship and community involvement and helping others when you can,” Robb said. “Laughter and not going to bed angry were important, too.”
“It’s about companionship,” added Bob Paccone. “Companionship is important through the highs and lows. When problems arise, there aren’t many people to go to for support other than your spouse.”
Pam and Fran Stepien, parishioners at Holy Family Church in Fairmount, celebrated 50 years of marriage. For nearly 10 years, the Stepiens mentored engaged couples in their parish’s “Preparing to Live in Love” program. “Through the years, we received a lot of positive feedback. Some of the first couples to participate in the program, recently told us they still use those tools they learned many years ago.” The Stepiens said they loved mentoring other couples because they learned more about each other and their marriage, too.
Deacon John Addante and wife Sandra celebrate 50 years of marriage.
What advice do they have for other married couples?
“Be other-centered,” Pam said. “Be willing to forgive and move forward and work through problems by listening to each other and praying to God for guidance. When an issue occurs that bothers the other person, don’t hold it inside. Discuss it and even write about it until the issue is resolved to everyone’s satisfaction.”
Deacon John Addante and his wife Sandra, also celebrated 50 years of marriage. The couple are congregants at St. James parish in Cazenovia. Dc. John also serves St. Patrick’s parish in Chittenango. Their advice to their three married children was much the same as other couples we interviewed.
“Follow your passion and believe in yourself, said the Addantes. “Be kind, keep the faith, love and support each other.” They added another tip — “manage your money wisely.’’ Perseverance and tenacity guided them through challenges they faced along the way. “We get through them with the support of family, friends and our faith,” Sandra said.
In his homily, Bishop Lucia told the congregation to consider a question attributed to St.
Francis of Assisi: “Who are you, God, and who am I?”
“At the root of this question is the virtue of humility,” Bishop said. “As one commentary notes about this virtue in our Sunday readings, the examples of Isaiah, Paul and Peter show how humility can crack open the heart to allow God’s grace to flow into our lives, transforming and healing us of our brokenness and sin. Humility allows us to live and stay rooted in the truth before God and others without pretense, arrogance or wallowing in pettiness.
Bishop Douglas Lucia congratulates couples celebrating World Marriage Day.
“Sisters and brothers, humility is not asking you and I to think little of ourselves, but rather thinking of oneself very little. Such a perspective encourages selfless generosity that can help one to truly follow in Jesus’ footsteps,” Bishop added.
Bishop Lucia said when spouses humbly offer love to each other, the daily bumps and bruises that happen in family life heal more quickly. “With each gesture of humility, whether in word or action, the pursuit of lasting love becomes more than just a fanciful idea; it finds a home where it is lived and felt. When spouses are humble before each other, love grows.”
Paccone said their secret to a happy marriage is to live each day with the attitude that there may not be a tomorrow. “If you act with that mindset, you go out of your way for the other person. You can’t correct the things you may have done today or in the past, so live each day correctly,” he said.
